Of course, we’re getting close to New Year’s Resolution time. We might as well go back and grab our list from last year. Because if we’re like most folks, the list this year will be exactly the same as last year’s.
I love getting all the great information from people on ‘the importance of goal setting’, ‘how to set effective goals’, ‘how goal-setting can change our lives’, etc. And don’t get me wrong…learning to set goals has helped me accomplish more than I would have without them. And it has even improved my life. But just setting goals [alone] isn’t the silver bullet that many ‘experts’ claim it to be. Goal setting hasn’t truly transformed everyone’s lives who have tried it. But why?
To effectively answer the question, we need to change how we think about the situation. Typically, the people that provide instruction on goal setting (and that includes me from time to time) assume the problem is that we don’t know how to set goals. Yet, when we have a conversation about goal setting and goal achievement, we find out that the ‘how’ is rarely the real issue. Therefore, providing more and more detailed instructions on how to goal set effectively won’t change the outcome.
So why does goal setting work for some people, but not the rest of us? Because those folks are ‘goal setting (and achieving) type of people’. I know that sounds flippant, but I don’t mean it to be. It says that the technique works because it matches the type of person they are. What type of person does traditional goal setting work for? The type of person that likes to check things off a list; they like to execute a plan; they like to ‘get things done’. They are ‘take action’ type of people. Now before the rest of us start to feel bad that we’re not that way, let’s think about it for a minute.
Personality Types (for Goal Setting):
Personality type models – and there’s a bunch of them out there – tend to group people into four general categories. The do’ers of the details; the social connectors (who love to have fun); the trust-based relationship-building folks; and the commanding take-chargers. (And if you want to take a moment and revise/align these with your favorite model, go right ahead. And, no one fits perfectly into these four boxes.) So it’s the doers that goal setting works for; and of course for the most part, those are also the people telling us how to do it (their way)…because it works for them. Yet, the other 75% of us are…as they say…are as happy as we can possible be for them!
So how do the rest of us make goal setting work for us, too? We simply change our approach to goal setting so that it matches our ‘style’ – our personality. You may have noticed that the other three groups can be defined by the people aspect (of course to varying degrees) versus the work aspect. While the doers get the work done, the other three groups aren’t focused on the work as much as interacting with people in different ways.
The commanders want to lead a group a people to achieve the goal or mission. The connectors want to have fun with people while they are doing the work. The relationship folks want to use the work to build deeper relationships with others.
It all comes down to motivation:
- So commanders should think about goal setting as a ‘team sport’, with them leading the team to victory.
- The connectors should think about goal setting as a ‘party’, with them coordinating the event.
- The relationship-builders should think of goal achievement as great way to build trust and deepen relationship with others by focusing on those impacted by the goal.
So what we need to do is reframe the goal, and the outcome, in a way that is reinforcing for us. So that it aligns with how we think. For me (as a relationship dude) that means thinking about, and structuring, the goal to focuses on how it impacts my relationships and the success of others. So instead of having the goal of ‘writing at least one blog article a week’, I restructure it to say you get to ‘add-value to your friends at least once a week’ or ‘share something of value each week with those you care about’.
For people who are the connectors think of the goals as an excuse to have a party, or get together with a friend. So exercising with an exercise partner becomes ‘having fun with Becky at the club’, etc.
For goals to be compelling, they must motivate us in just the right way. Ultimately, they will need to be some combination of:
- Emotional engaging,
- Intellectually interesting,
- Physically challenging, and/or
- Spiritually meaningful.
So if traditional goal setting hasn’t worked as well for you as you wish. Try this approach and let me know how it works for you.
Question: Do you effectively use goal setting in your life? Are there tips or tricks you use to help you succeed?
