Charisma is an almost universally desired, yet often misunderstood, personal characteristic. Many of us believe, like we believe about so many personal characteristics, that charisma is something we’re either born with or not. But actually, like many other personal characteristics, it is actually a learned ability, which can be developed by anyone. Charisma isn’t about being ‘the life of the party’ or telling great stories and jokes. That’s being entertaining, not engaging. Charisma, plainly stated, is the ability to draw people to you. It’s about having an attractive personality. And that can be learned and developed by anyone.
Think about the characteristics of the type of person you describe as having an ‘attractive personality’. They tend to have four common characteristics: They love life; they appreciate others; they are uplifting and optimistic; and the share of themselves. Simply stated they make us we feel better by having spent time around them.
Like so many leadership qualities, charisma is about getting our eyes off ourselves and on to other people. People who lack charisma tend to be prideful and self-focused, insecure, moody and cynical. (So if that’s you, or your attitude, ‘get over yourself’. And change your attitude.) Leaders who put others, and their concerns, before themselves exhibit charisma. And we call all do that. It’s simply a choice.
Benjamin Disreaeli understood charisma. He said, “If you appreciate others, encourage them, and help them reach their potential, they will love you for it.” We can all do that, right?
So how do we develop our charisma? Well, first we become others-focused. We think about what’s important to them. We think the best of them, and talk about their interests. We treat them like they are an important person (to us). And we share of ourselves; we share our time and resources, in the desire to add value in their lives.
Our goal is to have others feel the way the famous Washington hostess, Perle Mesta, would make her guests feel. She said, “It’s all about the greetings and the good-byes.” When a guest arrives, she met them by saying, “At last you’re here!” and as each left she said, “I’m sorry you have to leave so soon!” Her agenda was to focus on others, not herself. That’s charisma.
